I’ve always been an awkward person. Like a lot of people, I’ve never felt that I belonged to any particular social circle. I love prog rock, horror films, video games—my interests have thriving communities and usually are fairly inclusive. Yet in spite of this, I always feel like a sore thumb. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fortunate enough to have some amazing close friends, with whom I’ve had many adventures and good times. But in nearly every job I’ve had, I’ve never been able to fit in with the rest of the staff. Maybe it’s because I hate working, and never really want to be at the place that employs me.
Or maybe it’s my crippling anxiety disorder, something that has caused me a great deal of distress and dismay in my life.
I have to suspect it’s a combination of those two elements. It’s not for lack of trying; each and every time I start a new job I attempt to be part of the gang. At this stage in my life, I’ve accepted that I’m an awkward guy, who will never feel quite comfortable in social situations. Living in a city as social as Los Angeles, this can be a challenge. I’ve struggled to hold down a full time job since moving here, and I’ve come to suspect this is largely due to my awkwardness, and general inability to settle into a clique.
And so it was one fine spring day in LA that I was offered a producing position at a prestigious marketing agency. I only got the job through a close friend who knew people at the company (hooray for nepotism!), and I only accepted because I was desperate. I …
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Author: Connor Douglas / High Times
