My Sobriety Hall Pass List: Hunter Biden for President

in Culture

Ladies and gentlemen I’m proud and brutally disgruntled to say that I’m just over six months clean and sober (yes this includes weed) after over 12 years of doing drugs.

Hold your applause, please. I’m happy about it and shit but I didn’t ever want to come to this. I love drugs like a fat kid loves cake. I just personally can’t be trusted with them anymore (if I ever could). I have kids now, I’m getting a little older and it was just time to hang up my drinking and drugging boots for a long and indefinite period of time. 

That said, sobriety is damned difficult. I got high as a kite on all kinds of shit all day every day for over a decade and it’s no easy task to change my ways after such an extended jaunt down the proverbial rabbit hole. The general state of my life is undeniably better since I got sober but as a fellow wagon rider I know likes to say: sobriety is not all rainbows and blowjobs. It sucks dirty dog ass just to get out of bed some days and I’ve had to develop little tricks to keep my head in the game.

I was in the throes of one of those no good dirty awful very bad days when the idea for this article was born. I was in a group chat with some fellow drug reporters and derelicts talking about how Hunter Biden would make a way better president than his geriatric father or that fast talking orange fellow when I lamented that I would almost certainly break sobriety to smoke crack with Hunter Biden. 

I would love to say I was joking but it’s a mortal sin to lie …

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Author: Patrick Maravelias / High Times

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